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The TantraLogic Newsletter

Oneitis: A Social Disease

Lovelife Advisor

There's social disease spreading that can affect us all. Its symptoms include: obsessive focus on a person who is not attracted to you, constantly mulling over how things could have gone differently, and the feeling that you can fix everything if you are just given one more chance.

Fortunately there is a cure. A revolutionary new product is now available to help you battle Oneitis. Keep reading to learn about this amazing breakthrough technology.


Your Soulmate. A Perfect Match. The One.

All kidding aside, there are valid reasons we experience oneitis. Pair bonding is evolution's way of providing a stable and nurturing environment for offspring. Our natural emotional attachment is reinforced in most societies through marriages, myths, and traditions.

In a healthy situation, emotional attachment leads to a loving monogamous and committed relationship. While attachment to a receptive mate reinforces a productive relationship, an unhealthy attachment to someone who is not interested in you (or is inconsiderate, disrespectful, or outright abusive) only guarantees obsession, disappointment, and frustration.

Emotional attachment comes about in many ways. Sometimes a person matches an idealized image of "the other" from our own memories. The person may remind us of a first love where we were completely open to new possibilities. The person may simply be exciting and we find ourselves missing them when they are not around. We may pine for a lost love, carrying that torch even when someone has left our life years ago.

But evolution has served us well. If there were just one perfect match for each person on this earth, most of us would spend our lives looking for—and never finding—the one. Over time the species would die out with due to an overabundance of bleeding hearts. Instead, just as we become emotionally attached to one person, we can also become emotionally attached to others.

Coping with oneitis involves recognizing it as a normal and natural human experience. The feeling will diminish if you let it. Here are some techniques to help.
  • Find things to do with your time other than ruminate. Do something constructive with your time in order to reduce the chance of wallowing in despair and doubt.
  • Spend time with other people. Socializing with others can elevate your mood. Your friends and family want to help. Do your best to let them bring you up, not to bring them down with you.
  • Meet and date new people. There's a grain of truth to the old maxim, "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone."
  • Work on things in your life that make you happy. Those moments where you're down can be the most creative and productive. Turn your attention to those activities that matter to you and pour your heart into them.
  • Open yourself to the experience. If you can embrace the emotional strain of letting go of your attachment you can learn from the experience and be better prepared the next time.
  • Listen to country music. Country and other bittersweet love songs become poignant when you're emotionally attached. It can be cathartic to recognize you're not alone; others have made it through the emotional pain.

Finding things to replace the feeling of emptiness you experience with oneitis may be easier said than done, but it certainly can be done. And as difficult as it sounds, try to savor the moment—this is the stuff of Shakespeare tragedies. When you've come out the other side you'll be amazed how much things mattered at the time—and how little they concern you now.

Enjoy your lovelife. Until next time,


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TantraLogic In Review

James Amoureux is a master of kinky sex and spiritual sex. - by , December 2, 2010
5 / 5 stars: I attended a workshop by James Amoureux. He eliminated my anxiety around women and allowed me to talk about my intereste in alternative sexuality. I am very grateful for his help!